Read part one of Wisconsin shenanigans!

I was insanely hungover on Friday. After the shit show that happened Thursday night, I sure didn’t think I could make it Friday.

Craig picked Shayla and I up at 9am on Friday and took us back to Shayla’s house to get ready for tubing. Tubing Wisconsin-style isn’t just tubing, it’s a massive beer drinking activity. Beer did not sound good.

On the way to the river, it was “morning share time.” Where people recount what you did the night before… I didn’t want to be involved, but I was the center of the stories. Recap: made out with friend’s brother, got punched, scraped up my entire arm, kissed some other stalker dude who now loves me, took my shirt off. Yep I won the morning recap round.

Craig is a super entertaining person and had us laughing all the way to the river. The downfall was… my head was exploding. There was no time for food and Advil, so we had to go straight for the beer. I wish I could recall all of the entertaining things that Craig had told us, but I was so focused on not dying that I can’t remember it all. What I do remember is that I got made fun of mercilessly for making out with David. Yes, David was along on the tubing adventure. Talk about awkward. I usually don’t have to see my “conquests” the next day. Let alone spend the entire weekend with them… so awesome.

Tubing the river took about 4 hours. It was a beautiful day and it was a very good time, except for the wanting to die a little bit part. I was only able to make it through a half of a beer, so that definitely didn’t help.

Floating the river on that hot day really was a fun experience. I only wish I didn’t have the giant hangover that seemed to linger throughout the day.

The rest of Friday was quite boring, I visited old friends and then Shayla and I called it a night kind of early. The next day was our friend’s, Rebecca, wedding. Shayla had to get ready for the wedding as she was a bridesmaid, so I had the morning to go and see more friends. It was a really nice time… then came the wedding.

We headed to the golf course in the afternoon for one of the most unorganized weddings I’ve ever been to. It ended up being quite cute once it was said and done.

Then came the drinking. I had vowed to take it easy since everyone I knew from middle school, plus all of my parents friends were at this wedding. I knew anything I did would end up back to my parents in no time at all. So at the reception I only got mildly drunk. Mildly drunk Wisconsin-style = like a .15 in a breathalyzer… way too drunk to drive.

I didn’t do anything stupid there. It was at the bar after, that, well… lets just say I’m not too proud. I don’t remember a whole lot of the bar, except hanging out with some old friends. I ended up making out with an old friend, who apparently is married (he said separated) and is someone who I never would have kissed given normal circumstances. Woah I just had a flashback… I remember the shots… oh the shots. Yep, that’s what did me in.

David apparently saw me kissing my old friend, was appalled and proceeded to wipe off his tongue. I guess he didn’t realize that I kiss anybody and everybody. [Sidenote: me making out with someone else didn’t stop David from kissing me later!]

After publicly making out with my old friend, I realized my stalker was in the bar as well. He had joined forces with David to talk about how slutty I was. Great. Just great. Shayla decided it was time for me to exit the bar and called her mom to pick us up. Probably was a good idea because I’m sure I was ready to take my shirt off at any point. As I was exiting the bar, stalker grabbed me and wouldn’t let go.

“Why haven’t you returned my texts. Did I mean nothing to you???”

I told him to let go of me and he wouldn’t. He was holding my arms so tightly I am sure I had a bruise the next day. I kept telling him to get away from me. David saw my struggle and he got out of the car to help me, but I took matters into my own hands…

Stalker wouldn’t let go and he was being creepy so I hit him. Straight up in the face. He let go and I ran and jumped into the car. Not sure what it is about Wisconsin drinking that makes you want to hit people, but there sure was a lot of hitting that weekend.

Back at the house Shayla, David and I decide to watch movies and drink beer. I really didn’t need more beer after the copious amounts of shots that I had. Shayla passed out early… so you know what that means!! Take advantage of her brother on the couch, that’s what that means. Well by take advantage I mean he took advantage of me, because I couldn’t have taken advantage of a mouse that night.

From what I hear, my shirt was off at one point. Shayla had the pleasure of witnessing our make out fondle session and proceeded to ridicule me the next day.

I was awoken to “STOP MAKING OUT WITH MY BROTHER!!!” Shayla yelled at me in a playful-I’m-sort-of-serious way. She wasn’t a fan of the boob fondling I guess!

Yeah it was time for me to go. I haven’t had my ass kicked by drinking in a long time. Wisconsin knows how to party, that is for sure.

I left that morning. Once I returned home, the three men, including my stalker added me on facebook. I did not accept the stalker. He creeps me right the fuck out.

I need some time before I go back to the great cheese state.

-Alexis Patron