Sometimes I wonder if I ever actually think through decisions. I mean I honestly take space and time for myself to think with my head instead of any other part of my body that frequently dictates actions. The blessing and curse of my life is optimism. When I make the right decision or, honestly, get lucky, I sit back and bask in the glory of being a sincerely optimistic individual. But when I cross that line into the wrong decision, I blame optimism. Because I have always landed on my feet. I have survived breakups, failures, deaths, indecision, exhaustion, unemployment, and seemingly endless fights with loved ones. I have survived all these incidents and genuinely believed all of which resulted in me growing as an individual and friend. What an easy assessment to make once the grieving process has passed. I blame optimism because what if I thought glass half empty instead of half full? Would I be more likely to steer clear of decisions that which are not blatant to me?
The lady friend and I broke up. How quickly I slipped right back into the old drink-your-face-off-and-take-Nyquil-to-help-sleep habits and it’s only been a week.
I respect and love relationships. I’d prefer to be in one. But when your name goes from present to past tense in the voice of someone you care about and love, what is the point of relationships? Once you have crossed that dangerous line of investing yourself and time in another person, it becomes a terrifying game of Russian Roulette. You pull the trigger and sometimes get lucky with a bullet-less chamber. Or you don’t.
The optimistic side of me tells me that the best part about my breakup is that we both want to remain friends. Which means we hope to eventually be friends. The pessimist in me reminds me that I have to see her all the time because of said desire to remain friends combined with our large amount of mutual friends.
There is nothing worse than that. There is nothing sadder than missing someone who is sitting right next to you. And I’m just not sure how I’m going to eradicate this sadness.
-Anastasia Beam
3 Comments so far
Leave a comment
shouldacalleditanight.wordpress.com 
I hope that you never lose your optimistic view (particularly since I am similarly afflicted), even though it can set us up for more pain than we might endure if we maintained a more cynical viewpoint.
Even when I’ve gone through those phases of life that almost beat the optimism out of you, I can’t maintain a pessimistic “Eeyore” facade for more than a few hours; inevitably, my sense of humor overwhelms my negativism, and I chalk up the “defeat” as another valuable life’s lesson.
I’m curious though, do you think that its harder to revert to being “a friend” with member of the same sex after you’ve been romantically involved, than if it had been a guy? Or is more a function of the intensity of the connection you had, regardless of the gender?
I hope the sadness fades soon, and is replaced by your customary lust for life and all that is fun! Just remember, you’ve got lots of fans pulling for you!
David
Comment by David March 10, 2010 @ 3:27 pm[…] To see David’s comment about the last article visit: I blame optimism. […]
Pingback by Response to David’s question – Being friends with an ex « March 11, 2010 @ 12:24 pmRelationship is very important thing in humans life. Forexample Ihave been engaged one year but I will love him forever…
Comment by reklam ajansı August 15, 2010 @ 3:33 pm