As you have gotten to know us through our debauchery, I thought it was time to share some insight into our very strange personalities and therefore you will realize why Anastasia and I mesh so very well together. We have decided to post our “text” conversation from Christmas day, to share with you all our craziness. Before you continue you should know this conversation may not appropriate for certain audiences, so proceed with caution. If you are easily offended, I am sorry!

I was in a car driving from Minnesota to Wisconsin and Anastasia was in New York. This was our conversation:

Anastasia: Merry Christmas! Yay Jesus and Santa!

Me: Go Jesus! Merry xmas!

Anastasia: We love Jesus so much.

Me: Jesus is my BFF.

Anastasia: Jesus is my soul mate.

Me: I believe it. Jesus is my blood brother

Anastasia: Jesus and I were in the same fraternity in college. And we dated but broke up mutually.

Me: Jesus proposed to me, I still have the ring. Bullshit your breakup is mutual

Anastasia: You cheated on that ring. Jesus and I started a babysitters club. We renovated a green house and gave it to an older lady.

Me: I was forgiven for that. Jesus and I feed the needy. That old lady died so she has no used for that greenhouse. Jesus and I braid each others hair.

Anastasia: Jesus tells me stories about this needy girl with an alcoholic side who is convinced he proposed to her when he didn’t. Jesus does my laundry and big spoons me.

Me: Jesus forks me.

Anastasia: Jesus is gay. He told me. He’s afraid to tell his father.

Me: His father already knows. Now Jesus feels free. We now go skipping hand in hand down the yellow brick road.

Anastasia: Jesus loves me because I am me.

Me: Jesus love me for trying to be friends with you

Anastasia: Jesus loves me for fucking your dad

Me: Jesus hopes you didn’t get the clap

Anastasia: Jesus told me that the clap can be cured and so long as I get the chance to sit on that mustached face of his it would be worth it.

Me: Jesus said he’d forgive me if I punched you in the baby maker

Anastasia: Jesus said she without sin cast the first stone. That is no way is you so don’t touch me. Jesus knows my love for your father is real.

Me: Jesus doesn’t like when you spew lies from that dirty sin mouth

Anastasia: Jesus and I know the truth. Get on board or spend eternity in the fire pits of hell.

Me: At least I’ll be tan.

Anastasia: Finally you broke the Jesus mold. That was unique.

-Alexis and Anastasia