My ex has decided it’s appropriate to help hook me up with my new crush.

This is a very bad idea.

My ex lover/coworker/big mistake recently found out that the security guard at my work has a crush on me and that I, in return, liked him as well. Personally it’s the uniform thing, give me a man in the uniform and I am in love.

Once my ex found out about my new budding romance, he felt it necessary to play matchmaker. I have an inkling that he is actually trying to sabotage it, however. It was only two weeks ago he tried following me home from work one night, so I’m getting the sneaking suspicion that he just isn’t over me yet.

My new crush is in his late 20’s, is in the Army Reserves and is also a security guard/bouncer at my bar. Other than that I don’t know a whole lot about my new love, except that we are destined to make sweet, sweet, passionate love. I work with him about once a month, so it’s just been this flirty thing for about three months. He is very sweet, always walks me to my car and is a perfect gentleman.

Things were going well I thought, until the ex-factor decided to join in. My ex works with my new crush every Friday, so he sees him more often than I do, giving him ample opportunity to tell the new guy about everything about me. The ex texted me last week when he was working with the security guard and told me that Mr. Security was talking about me and wondering what I was up to that night.Caution. I was a little skeptical, since the ex is kind of nuts.

After a lot of texting it became evident that the ex wanted me to come into work to hang out with him, not my new love. The ex apparently filled the security guard in on my last year of dating (this included Earnest, the guy I half dated accidentally), but didn’t just stop there. Ex made sure the security guard was fully aware I enjoy binge drinking frequently.

Awesome, now the security guard thinks I’m a crazy slut, perfect.

I didn’t think that the ex had quite ruined it yet, until… he called me to tell me the “slightly nerdy” security guard was crazy, a bad guy, and undateable.

Damn, I need to stop shitting where I eat. Never a good idea to date a coworker and then try to date another.

Being the helpful man he is, my ex decided his job wasn’t quite finished. No, he needed to try and set me up with some of his friends as well. He invited me to come over to his house and go out with some of his friends sometime. I would rather change all four of my tires on my car in a snowstorm while a homeless man lurks in the woods waiting to attack me, than go hang out with my ex and his druggie friends.

It just comes down to this rule: never date coworkers. Especially if you work in a bar where alcohol is present at all times. I quit dating.

-Alexis Patron