I just got called out. Three months of game playing and trying to scare Earnest off and he finally called me out. He dropped the question: “so where is this going.” I thought I had been clear, but I guess I was not.
The conversation started out decently, until he said he had a question for me. Of course I knew what this question was going to be, so I felt it’d be appropriate to ask him to write it in a letter instead. I respond better to letters than I do confrontation.
Well that didn’t work. He asked it anyways.
“I feel as if for the last three months we’ve been dancing around this flirtation and I wanted to make sure I was correct in the signals I was getting from you.”
Shit. I need to fix my signals.
I thought for sure I had made myself clear when I told him I hated commitment, I’ve cheated on boyfriends before, I was a basket case of crazy, and plan on moving to Greece and taking Greek lovers…
I mean COME ON!
This conversation about “what we are doing” went on for about an hour and a half, of which I spent most of it pacing around my apartment wondering why the fuck I didn’t have any booze in my house in this desperate time of need. Seriously, it is always important to keep a bottle of tequila or wine on hand for situations such as these.
He just went on and on about how there is some force in the universe drawing him to me and I have some unforeseen magnet that pulls him in and he can’t quite figure it out.
“Yeah I do have to admit you are a little crazy, but it is something about your little quirks, there is this attraction that I can’t quite explain but I just want to know more about you,” Earnest said.
In my babbling-freak-out-of-a response, I was about to use the ol’ fake lesbian excuse to ditch him, but ended up telling him I probably will cheat on him. Maybe commitment is a bad idea.
His response: I can’t guarantee I won’t do the same.
Bullshit; he’s head over heels. I needed to step it up. I told him I didn’t want to hurt him but it was likely, and proceeded to give him every detail on my last sexcapade. He was like a fucking boulder, not moving for shit. I can’t scare this cat away with a freaking bulldog.
He told me that he wasn’t asking me to go steady or anything, just wanted to make sure that we were moving forward and he will be patient with me. I don’t know what to do now. He’s so sweet and I enjoy hanging out with him, but I’m just not that interested in the commitment deal. So I tried to be blunt. He asked me to a play on Friday and I said no because I didn’t want to have to try and come up with an excuse later in the week.
After a painfully long conversation and leaving a pattern in my carpet from where I walked around and around, I had to go find some fucking booze before the store closed.
Cheers!
-Alexis Patron
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